1. |
if
04:06
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Would you mind vacating the room
Could everyone please clear out
Not sure quite what I’m gonna do
But I don’t want you around
I’ve caused enough collateral damage
In countless months of anger and panic
I took your love and I took advantage
It’s time I take my own pain
Do you ever feel release is enough ever enough
Get it out get it out get it out of your system
Do you ever feel impeded by what you thought you loved
Get it out get it out get it out of your system
You can choose your catalyst
Both sides lose the battle wins
You can leave but just know where you’re going to run
Get it out get it out get it out of your system
Hear my feet against the sidewalk
Watch my breath against the cold and
Raise my fists against the night thoughts
Bloody knuckles fingers swollen
I obsess about the ends of things
Each night I lay awoken
Cus there’s pyrite in the promise ring
I promised you was golden
Do you ever feel release is enough ever enough
Get it out get it out get it out of your system
Do you ever feel impeded by what you thought you loved
Get it out get it out get it out of your system
You can choose your catalyst
Both sides lose the battle wins
You can leave but just know where you’re going to run
Get it out get it out get it out of your system
If my every single sin
Was a bottle in the ocean
Then unroll the scroll within
To reveal my pleas are hopeless
These messages won’t rescue me
Their bottles sit out lost at sea
Glass shatters in an effigy
If my every single sin
Was a mile in the ocean
Then I should be forced to swim
To the other side to show if
I’m sorry now or I repent
I’ll have to drown in my regret
So tie me down anchors of lead
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2. |
amethyst
03:36
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I watch the lights going down
Through the blinds of your bedroom window
I watch you dash from your house
Through the night in a nervous tip toe
I watch your silhouette bounce
In the dark like a dream calypso
You’re sitting next to me now
In the car I say we shouldn’t go
You say “Save it for San Francisco”
I watch the headlights pass South
As your hair flutters in the wind’s blow
I watch the taillights northbound
As we fly through the East Bay zip codes
I watch the cosmos surround
As the stars and my insides implode
You’re spinning round and around
As I dizzy with your vertigo
And I know that I got your syndrome
Highway nights now turn to
Asphalt days I turn through
My old pages search to
Find your name
My hypothetical dream girl
All that I couldn’t get
My hypothetical dream girl
Once but never again
From all your mother disallowed
To all your father disavowed
To nights spent punching drywall til your wrist broke
From all the photographs we hung
To all the times we near succumbed
But right then pulled away when we got this close
I always knew we’d go to flames
But now I’m burning at your stake
Highway nights now turn to
Asphalt days I turn through
My old pages search to
Find your name
My hypothetical dream girl
All that I couldn’t get
My hypothetical dream girl
Once but never again
I say “Give me the truth I want nothing but it
Give me a reason I should be convinced
To chase down with you these fever dreams”
You say another lie so easy to swallow
I’ll recognize but wait til tomorrow
And feign for tonight that I believe
You say “please stay for tonight to lie with me”
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3. |
picking scabs
02:54
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She tacks her polaroids like a personal playbill
And fills her walls with life’s supporting cast
She takes her opioids and stares with eyes of hazel
What can you do about a girl like that
Out of her bills she folds a thousand paper swans from scattered reams
Out of the clouds she picks the future that she wants but she can’t seize
She says I’m picking roses I’ve been growing
And when they finish decomposing
I’ll start again and plant the seeds anew
She says I’m picking scabs that had been healing
And when they finish all their bleeding
I’ll keep the scars to remember the wounds
She never stops to talk to those with any interest
But shouts down every single deafened ear
Her music’s so ironic no she only listens
To Billboard toppers from the Reagan years
Out of her bills she folds a thousand paper swans from scattered reams
Out of the clouds she picks the future that she wants but she can’t seize
She says I’m picking roses I’ve been growing
And when they finish decomposing
I’ll start again and plant the seeds anew
She says I’m picking scabs that had been healing
And when they finish all their bleeding
I’ll keep the scars to remember the wounds
She couldn’t be more vapid if
She was a damn Kardashian
But she can hypnotize like it was true love
She’s so intoxicating and
They’re all infatuated can’t
discern when way too much is enough
She says I’m picking roses I’ve been growing
And when they finish decomposing
I’ll start again and plant the seeds anew
She says I’m picking scabs that had been healing
And when they finish all their bleeding
I’ll keep the scars to remember the wounds
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4. |
eulogy iii
01:32
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The fog is calling reaching drowning
Your only comfort is the endless unknown
The aching arms of God forgot me
Sometimes I wonder what you think of me now
Switchblade benzos count your blessings
Your only comfort is the endless unknown
The fog the mist cries at your window
Sometimes I wonder what you think of me now
Sometimes I wonder what you think of me
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5. |
infinity abridged
03:10
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Would you mind vacating the room
Cus I know what I’m gonna do
But instead of coming to grips
With the vile things that I am
Round the steering wheel my hands gripped
Then I turned the keys and I ran
I wasted more days of the past year
Traversing the coast than cherishing home
I-5 interstate I feel safe here
Where nobody knows all that I can’t hold
And I don’t know what’s heavier
My backpack or my eyelids
And I don’t know which one’s more burnt
My peeled skin or my courage
You rested your head on the dash you
Tried your best to keep from falling asleep
When everything’s left in the rearview
I finally see where I wanna be
And I don’t know what’s heavier
My backpack or my eyelids
And I don’t know which one’s more burnt
My peeled skin or my courage
You slammed the car door in your driveway
And in my high beams you looked like a dream
From your parents’ porch looked at my face
And I knew that we both knew I should leave
So I left
All I left were tire marks on your cement
My four wheels fly as exits pass
Exhaust pipes sigh and engines gasp
On speaker phone I hear you ask
Is all you know speed up or crash
Escapist lives burn bright and fast
Tonight I’m in the highway’s hands
On speaker phone I hear you ask
But love I can’t no love I can’t
If my only two options are
To feel nothing or feel it all
I’d prefer to feel it hurt like hell
I just need a minute to myself
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